But then what do we find. In the name of propaganda, our tormentors enlist their chums at the BBC in Birmingham, rip one of our internal training videos and use it out of context in a hatchet job on our business. You couldn't make it up!
Picture the scene, there was our Black Country sales operative Dave Roit-Yampy settling down for a night in front of the television when on came a programme that not only impecuned the company he worked for but also brazenly flouted the copyright we hold in the training video.
Dave explains; (I've quoted him verbatim as I'm not entirely sure what some of the words mean)
"It was last wensdy, ah remember it coz it was roit mizzly and I thought ahd just stay at wum and watch summat bostin on the telly. But there was naht on so ah wuz just blabberin wi the missis when suddenly on came Mickey Nomark. Ah cuduv spat mar tea to Smerrick. An as ah watched it, ah got more and more mardy, coz the lommock on it kept nigglin about Snide and talkin to sum wench who wuz all pisey about us, By the end ah wuz getin on a line an yawpin at the telly an Doreen told me to stop actin like a tittybabbi an siddown. "
The point is you would think that the BBC would have gone through enough scandals without opening themselves up to another. But of course in this case they can rely on their friends to keep it all hush-hush. I guarantee you wont see a new Knock-Off-Nigel advert with the moustachioed gimp crooning to Mark Thompson about his larceny of our intellectual property.
Of course all this may have been a bit more forgivable had the conspirators at least been considerate enough to use the appropriate regional cut. Instead of using our Black Country output with the slogan 'Snide Goods! - Fit fa the Tackybonk', they used one of our Scottish videos which uses the delightful Kelvinside epithet 'a load of barry'. As Dave Roit-Yampy seemed to explain, the alien phraseology was simply confusing.
"Some morkins put on the jock video an mar mucker thought it was about Gareth Barry an wur loffin at me. Ah sez it ay but im woe listen; baggie cagmag. Anyroadup ah bost is clock frim an ah bin pail any utha clarnet as mythers me, coddin ur not!"
I think we can all agree with that.